I’m a girl with many aspirations. I am an artist with more creative thoughts in a minute than I can keep up with. I am a writer with so many characters in my head I feel a bit schizophrenic. I am hard on myself and a bit of a perfectionist. I love raising my kids and that is what I spend most of my day doing. I love my husband with all my heart that breaks each time he has to travel for work. I struggle to find a balance in my life. Above all, I aim to put God first in my life and live as a true follower of Jesus Christ. And every morning I wake up with a head of hair that just wants to do it own thing. I’m tempted to leave it most days and then this pressure to look “presentable” when I answer the door or have to run to the store sets in. So I throw on a hat or a hoody and call it good some times, but most of the time I conform… sigh.
But another thing about myself is that I have always fantasized about turning 30; like I would somehow transform into this elegant, beautifully put together white swan, you know, like some famous Italian actress might look having her first baby at 35. (This complex comes from a real life experience btw:) But I’m 31 now and none-the-sexier… So I have to laugh in my sweats and baby snot and realize there is just no way to be that at this time in my life. At least I have not found the way!
You see the thing about all this is… I have been wondering what is in an image anyway? Who am I trying to impress most of the time, if that is why I am doing it in the first place? Why do I feel pressure to put on make-up and be pretty around my kids? Well, it isn’t really for them, is it? Or for the people at the store? I’m never going to see them again anyway, right? And it isn’t for my husband who is currently somewhere in Alaska trekking through the snow or riding a camel through the Sahara Desert. I’m sure it’s for me mostly, to feel pretty and sane, and like I haven’t let myself go completely. I am my own worst enemy I’m sure. My “in-head” experience at the craft store the other day proves it!
While I stood in line I saw some ladies looking at a mother-targeted journal above the check-out gum, an odd place for a book I think, but they were looking at it. I fantasized (did I mention that I’m a dreamer too?) that one day I would say, “If you are interested in that you may be interested in the book I wrote.” Then I would hand them my business card and smile. The smile didn’t last too long when I looked into the virtual mirror before me. There I was, bed head, rainbow hoody and sweats. I figured it was fine when I left the house, but then at that moment it felt so wrong. How could I ever represent a book I had written, for mothers nonetheless, looking like this?! Who would take me seriously?? But the thought of always having to be primped, wear blouses or suits to speak publicly in or even the author head shot for the back cover gave me anxiety. When would I have time for that? I don’t want to be a working mom who has to look “presentable” all the time. Or is that what I would have to do? Is that the life I would want to live… Granted my books may never make it big or any of my scripts… but why not dream, right? A girl has to think of these things!
Then my husband said, “Why don’t you just own the bed head thing? Use it for your author head shot.” You can see now why I married the guy, right? His comment came right after I had a bed head celebration shoot for myself. Because outside the social norms, I believe that motherhood bed head should be celebrated. Mothers and all they do should be celebrated! There is a time to be primped, but it isn’t in the morning after a long wakeful night with a fussy baby. Especially when so many days, if you didn’t get ready before the baby was up there is just no time for it later in the day either.
So with that in mind I am prepared to accept myself and my bad hair days! If only grunge would come back I would be a little more confident… a little Courtney Love wouldn’t be so bad would it? Except she had a total make-over didn’t she? All glam now… Conformer! haha!
I have great plans for this blog! Great plans to showcase what a mother does. I said it on my bed head post and I will say it again…
[box] It is what a mother sacrifices that makes her beautiful![/box]
My hope is that this blog will grow into a beautiful community of mothers who band together in celebrating what makes us BEAUTIFUL!
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